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Sorry, I Feel Like I​’​m Being Really Weird About All This

by TV For Dinner

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1.
Listen to the silence of the night Pretending the stars don’t shine that bright But they do Oh, but they do Hour after hour, we made our schemes The world will be ours, just wait and see You’ll see Oh, you’ll see Coming at you from the comfort of a bed I didn’t fall asleep in Say the word and just like that this one will Belong to the ages Welcome to the dead idiots club You’re here because you dared to fall in love The whole damn thing was the perfect crime A culture war, murder-suicide We walked around the city hand in hand Letting go wasn’t in our plan But things never go According to plan Coming at you from the comfort of a bed I didn’t fall asleep in Say the word and just like that this one will Belong to the ages Welcome to the dead idiots club You’re here because you dared to fall in love We faced each other with Our guns drawn How did our perfect crime End up so wrong? And when it’s time for Our parting words “If you set one foot out that door, it’s fucking over! So please don’t go” Welcome to the dead idiots club You’re here because you dared to fall in love Welcome to the dead idiots club You’re here because you dared to fall in love
2.
Welcome to a neighborhood without a story A tired, aimless, spineless, lifeless glory We start our tale on the fresh cut lawn Of this nuclear family in purgatory Mr. Pipe and Slippers settles in after a Long, hard day doing busy work His wife wears a smile so thin You can really tell she has a life to burn The paper says we’re at war But that means nothing anymore It’s the beginning of the end for me In this present I don’t wanna see Stepford wives brandishing their knives No, I’ve never felt less free In comes the atom bomb of A person that I am I put a big, fat crater In their suburban plans I’m treated like a mutant Not free from prying eyes I try to hide my tricks and lies But they seem to see through my disguise The paper says we’re at war But that means nothing anymore It’s the beginning of the end for me In this present I don’t wanna see Stepford wives brandishing their knives No, I’ve never felt less free The paper says we’re at war But that means nothing anymore It’s the beginning of the end for me In this present I don’t wanna see Stepford wives brandishing their knives No, I’ve never felt less free
3.
I wanna be a biofemme I wanna see the very end I wanna know what life will be like When we’re all gone, what happens next, oh I wanna blow this shit sky high I wanna look myself in the eyes I wanna know where it all went wrong And I wanna know if it ever went right Place your bets Oh, place your bets Forget your love Kill your regrets I’m just wasting time Can you spare a dime For this old fool I want it all And I will settle for nothing less I’m sick to death of Being repressed I want it all, I want it all I want it all I don’t care how far I’ll fall Guilty of everything in spades I want to be the moment too big For the cameras, kill the lights And pretend I’m the perfect bride Still I’m living in shame, oh well You don’t even know my name so well Doesn’t matter when I’m standing on a table You’ll find I couldn’t give a shit about labels Place your bets Oh, place your bets Forget your love Kill your regrets I’m just wasting time Can you spare a dime For this old fool I want it all And I will settle for nothing less I’m sick to death of Being repressed I want it all, I want it all I want it all I don’t care how far I’ll fall But maybe I do Maybe I’ll switch up the story for you We’ll redo the doomsday The one that made your problems all go away You’ll shave your head and you’ll carve your eyes out To get rid of any trace of me And if I’m wrong, well, who’s keeping track Truthful is the last thing I’d want to be I want it all And i will settle for nothing less I’m sick to death of Being repressed I want it all, I want it all I want it all And I don’t care how far I’ll I don’t care how far I’ll No, I don’t care how far I’ll fall
4.
You fight until the latest hours Of the night, you can’t Seem to think the other can Do anything right but if it’s Any consolation, it’s the end of the ride Your kids are trapped in their rooms But you’re trapped inside I’m not one for liars I’m not the one for you I’m signing our life away There’s nothing you can do You scream in my face, I scream in yours All because you didn’t do your fucking chores This wedding band has never felt so tight I’ve never taken it off but now I might Every day it’s the same old shit And I’m really getting sick of it Come on kids, get dressed, get packed We’re leaving home and we’re never coming back Oh, unhappy marriage Oh, what an unhappy marriage Parents speaking gibberish You don’t quite understand But now you know the magic’s gone And your brother was unplanned He wrote a letter, her mind’s made up So now she’s on her own, that’s just her luck Three kids with nowhere to go Couldn’t find a house, let alone a home Every day it’s the same old shit And I’m really getting sick of it Come on kids, get dressed, get packed We’re leaving home and we’re never coming back Oh, unhappy marriage Oh, what an unhappy marriage 16 years later The story’s the same Our family is nothing More than a name I’m done with holding back It’s my time now You two should have called it off Before you even said your vows Oh, unhappy marriage Oh, what an unhappy marriage Oh, eh, what the fuck, man
5.
I didn’t hold on tight enough I couldn’t breathe for you, my love But if I meet a god above I’ll tell them that I didn’t give up White knuckles, glassy eyes Black clothing, this is my heavenly disguise On my knees begging for them to let me in Don’t let it all be for nothing I never thought that the end would look like this No parting words, no bitter kiss If I could cry, I would, you know It’s better than the parting dumb-show These velvet cushions feel so nice But now I’m finally out of sight I wish I could share what I can see I’m nothing more than a memory And if you miss me to death I’ll be sad to know that my last breath Was spent not on loving you But wallowing in a morbid vignette Off comes the mask, off come the gloves Into my veins go the last drugs To kick me off the riverbank As last words go, I’m drawing a blank Something meaningful, something wise Something comforting, to wipe the tears from your eyes I hope you’ll hear it in my tone I’m not just leaving you alone I held your hand and you held mine We toasted glasses of red wine You said my hands were both so cold I promised we would never grow old And as her patience grew so thin The moment came to let her in Maybe this was the best goodbye The last thing I saw was your beautiful eyes And if you miss me to death I’ll be glad to know that my last breath Was spent on loving you And basking in our morbid vignette
6.
This is the last song I’ll ever write This is the last time I’ll put my pen to paper Before I close my book for the night It’s getting hard to sleep, but I try Some days I can’t keep going But for heaven’s sake, I’ll keep living a lie I’ll keep living a lie I’ll keep living a You know, the truth only matters if someone lies And life only matters if someone dies This is suicide in the 21st century And beyond I might go quietly or with a round of applause Either way, I’ll move along I’m all tied up on the stairs to my roof I just yelled at someone I care about Oh, god, what did I just do You know, the shame is in the act So much for all the wasted years I’ll never get back I’ll never get back I pissed it all away You know, the truth only matters if someone lies And life only matters if someone dies This is suicide in the 21st century And beyond I might go quietly or with a round of applause Either way, I’ll move along This is suicide in the 21st century And beyond I might go quietly or with a round of applause Either way, I’ll move along
7.
Song 119 02:53
You looked at me Like I was a thing most bizarre And I asked you Just how you did feel And you said “You must be crazy” Rounding the Corner on 8 A.M. now And I don’t know much But I sure know this I’m feeling like myself Say something That you never thought that You would say out loud But only to yourself Your makeup came off It just felt so wrong You felt like you had To hide a part of yourself Those bastards lied You’re not unnatural As bad as It can get It’s been worse, kid So don’t give up, yet You’re sick but not dead Trust me, you’ll find yourself Say something That you never thought that You would say out loud But only in the mirror You hate your voice You hide your form You hate your guts You can’t take this anymore Someday you will feel strangely new A weight off your chest Your heart in your hand Finally you’ve found yourself

credits

released June 17, 2022

TV for Dinner is Colin Dowdy

All songs written by Colin Dowdy, with help from Dan Rogers on I Want It All and Song 119

Guitars, vocals, and miscellaneous instruments by Colin Dowdy
Bass by Dan Rogers
Drums by Sammy DeSantos
Additional guitars by Aki McCullough

Produced, mixed, and mastered by Aki McCullough and James Goldmann at Nu House Studios in Wayland, MA

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TV For Dinner Boston, Massachusetts

I like it when people can listen to music for free. I have the means to offer my music for free, so I think it’s only fair that I put my money where my mouth is and make my music free. I hope you like it.

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